Losing My Mind

Ummm..... I haven't been stellar parent as of late. Ummm... I've been very frustrated, very often actually. You see, I can not leave my children (read mostly: child) unattended for more than 1 minute or 'things' happen.

You know what they say about things changing at the mark where the child has been with you as long as they've been in other care....it appears to be true. It was true for our daughter - she became much more relaxed and happy. It's true for J. as well - he's much more relaxed as well.....too relaxed for a single parent!

Anyway, when E. first came home, one of us had to be with her at all times or she would hurt herself. When J. came home one of us had to be with them every second or they would whale on each other (to put it mildly). I assumed however that there would be a point where I would be able to, oh I don't know, take a quick pee without having to clean up some disaster when I got back (spilled milk, juice, water, soup; broken glasses, plates, bowls; dumped water all over the floor because they filled the bathroom sink and splashed in it; toothpaste on the wall while I went to get a rinse cup; still in p.j.'s when the sibling got themselves dressed an hour ago; chips, raisins, cereal, (or whatever you can think of) all over the floor because they wanted more; etc; etc; etc). There was a brief, blissful period last month where I could actually run upstairs to grab my toothbrush as they ate breakfast and 'things' did not happen. Gone now....all gone.....gone.....gone.

And so, to return to my original point, I have not been a stellar mother these days. Ummm.... being alone, 5 O'clock mornings, parent/teacher conferences, the Febuary grumps at school (which means kids who are getting on each others' nerves = more conflicts), upcoming report cards and nothing for Valentine's are really not helping to calm my nerves. Anywho, I have been heard to utter the following phrase often enough that my son has now started to use it. Ummm......to be fair...... he's heard it aLOT more often than his sister over the past 2 weeks!

And yes, he knows what it means:

Yes, you see, when I have just spend my Sunday morning cleaning (during which time I've had to stop at least 15 times to 1. break up an argument; 2. check to see what they are up to; 3. talk to the peeps, Eli, Penguin, Cindrella, the prince or Super Why and/or 4. wipe various body parts (not my own) and then someone dumps half a container of APPLE JUICE on the freshly washed floor because they couldn't wait for one minute until mom could come and help them.....yes......then, I do truly feel like I'm going to LOSE MY MIND and I tell them!

All of the Sudden It's Been a Year!

January 21, 2008 was the day J. joined our family. He was offically adopted the next day. Since that time a year ago, J. has grown yet he's remained the same in so many ways. He's definately the boy we met in China - affectionate, contemplative, lively, funny and curious with just a touch of cheekiness. I've been truly stunned at the ease of his transition and I'm proud of the way he has remained who he really is. One example is how he has insisted on keeping the name with which he identifies himself. He is J. no if-ands-or-buts about it and so he will always be. Recently we were sitting in the rocking chair in his room looking at the pictures we have hanging on his wall. He identified everyone in the pictures and then he said, 'Mama, we need to change that one (indicating the picture of DH, E. and I taken while we were waiting for his paperwork to come through) 'cause I not in it and I in the family now.' Then he told me that we needed to change his letters (letters that spell S.A.M. that are on his wall) " 'cause there's no J. in that'.

What happened to J. a year ago was not romantic. It was damn hard for him. He was forced to give up all he knew, almost all he was actually, to begin again in a very strange world. He handled it all with such strength, grace and humour, while facing it all head on. He was able to seek comfort when he needed it and to find joy all around him.

His medical issue has not turned out at all as we expected. We assumed he would need surgery and a hospital stay followed by appointment after appointment in his first months with us, but glasses and patching has all that's been required. His eye/brain has responded even better than the doctor first predicted and now both eyes are working together as they should. He still needs to wear a patch every second day for two hours and to have monitoring visits with the opthomolgist every 6 months, but the prognosis for his sight is excellent.

Ahh, our J.

E.'s big brother and best friend, Mama's little man,

Papa's other piece, a true little boy and

the completion of our family.

Furture Designer

Yes, E. created this outfit all by herself.

The ensemble consists of the absolute fashion necessities of:

• the Pocahantas' headbands (so-called because you look like Pocahantas when wearing them)
• the patented 'U Necklace' (a letter 'u' that belongs in a floor mat gets placed backwards around the neck)
• the very favorite Penguin Pajamas
• the 'Mama Spent the Months We Waited for Your Paperwork to Come Through Knitting' knit blanket
• the ever popular Purple-Clicking-High-Heeled-Princess shoes with the see-through toe complimented by the Pajama-Matching Elephant socks.

Are we feeling it or what?

Her Peeps were definately feeling it. Here she has them all lined up on the kitchen counter adoring her as she eats supper. Yes, she calls them her Peeps. The other day she said to me, 'Mama, do you want to go and play with my Peeps with me?'

E.'s World

E. is never E. anymore. For a long time she played Cinderella (see previous post), but she was always just acting out certain parts of the story. These days she is whatever character she's obsessing about. She is Pocahontas today and we have to call her that. If I slip up and call her E. I am gently corrected (not just by her BTW. J. corrected me during lunch today). Sometimes she is Miko (the little raccoon from Pocahontas). Of course I am usually Miko. I love it when I get to be him because he doesn't talk which means I get to just sit there. Other times I'm 'Jasmine' (that's how they pronounce it). This is confusing because Jasmine is a princess from the Aladin movie, but that's not what they are trying to say. They're saying 'John Smith'. That's the guy that loves Pocahontas. I wonder who she'll be next.......

J'isms

J.'s use of language really expresses who he is. Some of it is cute because it's grammatically incorrect yet understandable and some of it is just so.....him....that it cracks me up. So, here we go:

#1: I tink so.

- The most popular and frequent of his expressions, it is used to end conversations and really means, 'This is how it is. You are completely wrong. Case closed.'

e.g.

J: Aunty Krista gave this to me.

M: No, that's E.'s toy

J: Aunty Krista gave this to me, I tink so Mama.

M: No, Mama and Daddy bought that for E.

J: I tink so it's for me Mama, yeah, I tink so.

M: Whatever.

J: I tink so Mama, it's for me.

Video Proof taken during dinner this evening:

#2: I no need/want/like/have it

- Also very popular. Used to express the negative of almost anything.

J: I no like this show Mama.

I no want it. I want different one.

M: Who locked the door while Mama was still in the garage without a key to get back in?

(this is a fun new game they have started)

J: I no lock it Mama (said in an extremely innocent, nay angelic, tone of voice).

E. do it. (Really meaning closer to: 'Gee, I guess E. must have done it mom.')

(Ummm, usually she has not done it. No, she's more into turning out whatever light is on in whatever room you're in. Not so great when you're chopping onions in the kitchen at 5:00 pm and the room suddenly, unexpectly goes pitch black. No, not so good. There was some yelling that accompanied that one. Yeah).

#3: I need help

J: I need go pee Mama

M: Go ahead dude. I really don't need to know about it every time. You can go by yourself.

J: I no want to Mama. I need help.

M: Help for what. Just go up and go by yourself.

J: (The whinning starts) I no want to, I no can go pee by myself.

(Now lying on the stairs), I no want to, I no want to Mama. I need he..he..heeelp.

I no turn on the light (Now really starting to freak out - crying & jumping up and down). There's no bench Mama, there's no bench. Ahhhhh.......(self destruct has been initiated......self destruct initiated.....beep, beep, beep, beep....... count-down started. Does not compute, does not compute).

#4: Us things

-Used to express the concept of things that belong to us or 'our' things.

J: Who touch that us car Mama?

Why they give that to us Daddy Mama?

#5 Why?

- This is engrained in every utterance, nay, every thought that the boy has. No, I am not exaggerating here for effect. It's so engrained in our conversations now that I had trouble coming up with specific examples. I'll have to add to this section later today. Once he's up from his nap I'm sure a few dozen examples will occur.

M: It's time for bed J.

J: Why Mama?

M: You need to put your coat on now J.

J: Why Mama?

M: Umm, it's -35 outside today. You might feel a bit cold without it.

O.K., two minutes up from his nap and this conversation occurs. You need to know that we went to the library and then to Safeway this morning....like, 4 hours ago.

J: (out of the blue while eating his snack)

Why we go to library then we go at Safeway?

M: (What can I answer to that?) I don't say anything.

J: Why someone makes footprints in us snow near us tree Mama?

M: Wait just a moment J. (since I'm writing down what he's saying I can't answer right away).

J: Why you say me, 'Wait a moment?' (barely takes a breath)

Who makes that footprints on us snow?

Who makes that?

I not know.

You Mama?

My daddy not did that.

He say (I'm guessing 'he' is daddy), No not me.

Not me either. Someone did it.

(Who the hell is he talking to. No one is answering BTW).

Kennedy's Quest

http://yangzhoufundraising.blogspot.com/

Please check-out this blog. This is a little missy who was among the first girls adopted out of China in the early 1990's. She has now been invited back to her orphanage for a reunion, but she needs to fundraise to make it happen. Her mom was our sponsor for bringing Eva home and the woman who connected us to so many other families like ours in Montreal. Anyway, if you can give a few dollars it would be greatly appreciated and if not the link may be of interest to you anyway.

Holiday Cheer

Christmas 2008

We had a lovely Christmas this year even if we were (as J. says) 'Missing a puzzle piece'. I was so busy trying to capture every moment for that puzzle piece that I didn't have time to get emotional about the whole thing.

On Christmas Eve, after Skyping with daddy and talking to Mamie on the phone, we went to my sister's place to (as J. put it) 'meet who we love'. As we were driving to my sister's place J. saw a truck driving in front of us (obviously going the same way). He told me that that truck couldn't be going to Aunty K's place. I asked him why not and he said, 'I no love it.' I guess only the people he loves were going to Aunty K's place. The day before that I asked him what he had bought me for a present. After a moment's thought he said very matter-of-factly, 'I not Santa, Mama.' O.K, only Santa gives presents. Good to know.

E. was thrilled about Christmas this year. She TOTALLY gets the whole thing now right from Santa down through Christmas morning. For some reason though she has suddenly developed a Boston accent for her 'a' sounds so 'Santa' has become 'Senta' and 'camera' (which she asked for for Christmas) has become a 'cemera'. Here's a glimpse:

So the kiddies made and threw the mandatory Reindeer food:










The cookies and milk for Santa:









Santa rounded out the evening with a quick visit! As J. saw the 'old' guy coming down the stairs, he ran to get his stocking. He certain knows what he's doing for a kid experiencing his first Christmas.









I started the 4th book in the Twilight series meaning that, thanks to my niece who got me started, I missed much of the socialization of the season :-)). Actually, I missed a lot of Wii-ing - the latest video addiction of our family. So, with that, we were off to bed....so we'd be all ready for the big day!

Why Do I Do It?

O.K. people, it is -30 here today. Yes, minus thirty. My kids haven't been outside for close to a week and they are getting.....to be frank......bad. They are into all the things they know they shouldn't be into. My son is telling me, 'No' when I ask him to stop.....let's see.....banging lego on the kitchen table, hitting my walls with K'nex sticks, banging the hardwood floor and bathroom counter tops with a rocking horse snowglobe, etc. My daughter is repeatedly turning on and off lights in the house, turning on our bedroom fan anytime she is within sight of it, screaming and crying when I turn off the TV so we can go eat breakfast (yes, I tried to get a little extra sleep this morning so I let them watch cartoons in my bed - hmmm... no, it didn't work. I mean I didn't get any extra sleep), and she hasn't fininshed a single meal over the past few days = no dessert = tantrumssss.

So, they really, really needed a change of scenery today, but, did I tell you....yep, it's -30 outside. I was so desperate, that we went out to do some errands anyway. I needed milk and dental floss (my teeth are really close together and if I can't floss it drives me crazy). Oh yeah, we also decided that we needed glittery confetti for the Reindeer Food that we put out Christmas Eve, so I thought we'd get that at the same time.

So, I get the kiddies all bundled up. I pull on my long-johns, tuque, gloves, etc. and we lumber over to the car. Carseats aren't really made for kids that are, now, this big so I have to struggle to get them buckled into the seats. Of course I can't wear gloves when I'm doing this - trust me, it just doesn't work to get the buckles snapped and the clips clipped. At this point having bare hands is no biggie because we're still in the garage, but....have I mentioned....yep, it's -30 out in the real world.

Anyway, off we go. It's about 10:30 am. and, as we're driving, I realize that it's Sunday and most places don't open until 11 or 12:00. Ummm.... I take a chance and hit the Work Warehouse to exchange a Christmas present (not even Christmas yet and I'm already taking gifts back that I bought) because I found out after the fact that a certain family member wants a furry cap with ears, not a fleecy cap with ears. It's OPEN! (not the cap, the store). We struggle out of the car. My hands are freezing by the time I get both kids unbuckled. We pause beside the car as Mama gets her gloves back on and then we make our way over the iced in parking lot and into the store. There is a very short line! Yeah! We make our exchange and we're out of there within 10 minutes (this is important because we don't want to have to take stuff off yet we don't want to get overheaded either or we'll be colder once we get outside again). We struggle back into the car and head over to Superstore. Why Superstore for milk and dental floss? Carts that have two seats. Cuts down on the arguing and crying.
Get there, haul the kidlets out of the car and drag them as fast as possible across the icy parking lot over to the dollar store. It is about a 2 minute walk to get there, but I just can't face hauling them out of and putting them back into those friggn' seats just to escape a 2 minute 'walk'. They can sure walk fast when you pull them by the arm :-)).

So were looking around the store for some Christmas type confetti when E. spies some palm tree confetti. Yes, palm trees....for Santa's reindeer....hmmmm. She really wants it and I figure, 'Hey, it's her thing, why not.' So we score the palm tree confetti and we're back out on the road.

We 'wander' back over to Superstore; stand in the freezing cold trying to find the &%#$ loonie that I need for a cart and then struggle to thread a 30+ pound kid (who now weighs about 50 pounds due to all the gear) into a hole that is just barely big enough for the winter boots and pants. As I'm doing the same with the other kid, I realize that there is only one center hole. They have to share it and their legs are at least 3 sizes bigger than normal! There is some whining and commenting on this, but they are both cold enough that they let it go so we can get inside. Actually, J.'s ears are starting to get pretty cold now because he's a gagger. You know those kids. They can't have anything tight around their necks without going into hysterics about how it chokes them, they can't breathe, etc. Yep, that's J. Because of that, his tuque isn't tied as tightly as his sister's (just an aside here, when we came out of the store, his gagginess seemed to have eased enough for me to tie his tuque on really tight..hmmmm...go figure).

Anyway, we get into the store, fill the cart with all our outdoor gear and head off to look for our dental floss and milk. My kids both have snotty noses by this point (and mine's not doing too good either), but I don't have any kleenex. I'm not talking gobs of the stuff coming out. No, just enough to give them that 'Nobody loves me' whiteness around the nose. So, 118 dollars later we're at the till and that's without any milk. They didn't have any milk, like NO milk at all. Can you believe that?

We load everything up, we get home and the kiddies.....wait for it....want to play outside. I figure we might as well go for it. E. loves playing outside and is rarely bothered by the cold. J., well let's just say he doesn't have ANY insulation (I'm talking really none at all here - he freezes at the pool) and it's close to lunchtime, and he hasn't figure out how to keep his thumb in the right place in his mittens, and it's close to lunchtime. So, he plays for about 3 minutes (in which time he has three short crying jaggs because things aren't working out the way he wants them too) before he decides that he is....FREEZING! He then proceeds to repeat, "I'm freezing!" while crying his head off standing in the garage as far away as possible from the door to the house. Any suggestion that he may walk himself over to the door, up the stairs and into the house are met with the phrase....wait for it......"I'm freezing Mama, I'm freezing, I'm freezing!" God forbid he actually solve his problem.

I go over to E. and tell her it's time to come in. She looks completely stunned that we would even think of leaving this winter paradise, but consents to going in for some lunch. Our adventure ends this way:

J. is lying on the stairs, still in the garage, crying and screaming that he's freezing while E. and I get our clothes off in the house. J. is so close to coming in the house that he can reach out with his fingertips and make sure that the door between the garage and the house stays open (he needs to be sure that we know what his problem is). I get E. undress, take the shopping bags to the kitchen and when I come back J. has transferred himself to the carpet in the entrance. The door is wide open and he is still having a meltdown about freezing. We've got a real Einstien on our hands here. I pick him up, praising him up for doing such an amazing job at solving his coldness problem by coming in the house. Wow, Wow! I just can't believe how wonderful of a job he did. His face is full of snot and he continues to cry a little all the while insisting that he's still a little cold. Ahhhhh.....I'm gonna miss these times one day.

A Year, A Year

At this time last year, I had just finished J.'s bedroom. We had been to a Christmas party with the Assist Center and E. had had her picture taken with Santa. We were waiting for news about J. and praying that we would get into and out of China before Chinese New Year. Now he lies sleeping upstairs after having spent the morning at his babysitter's place playing with his sister and a couple of other little boys.

Jean-Pierre is gone now. Everything went really well and we expect to hear something from him early next week.

Christmas and Romance, ahhh

Yesterday was a big day of firsts for all of us.

J.'s first was helping to decorate his first Christmas tree. Although I didn't realize it as we set up the tree yesterday, it was almost exactly a year ago yesterday that we finally received the call that said our LOA had arrived from China. That ended a 152 day (5 month) wait. I remember feeling so joyful, so incredibly relieved only to get ourselves psyched up for another wait for the TA.

Ahh, a year ago we waited and this year we decorated with our amazing little man. He loved it. At one point he pulled out his special ornament. It's a one of his referal pictures inside a frame that says 'Love'. It was so bitter-sweet creating and hanging that ornament last year, knowing that he was coming home, but never knowing when. This year J. hung that ornament himself as he proudly explained to E. that this picture was when he was in China and we were waiting for him to finish the puzzle of our family. He has definately done that....

Our other first yesterday was that we left the kids overnight. Yes, we spent our first night away from them! I surprised myself. I wasn't the least bit worried about them. It really felt like the time was right and I was leaving them with one of my sisters and my niece (her daughter obviously) so there really wasn't anything to worry about. The kids proved that they were really ready for it too. Neither of them cried when we explained it to them and they were totally 'fine' when we left. I say 'fine' because at one point in the afternoon my sister came over to drop some stuff off. It was a couple of hours before we needed to leave and my sister was just dropping the stuff and then she was coming back. As soon as she walked in the door, E. was literally pushing me out. She kept saying, 'Isn't it time for your meeting Mama? You'd better get going to your meeting Mama.' Umm.... I had just stepped out of the shower and was only wearing a towel. I don't think I was quite ready for my 'meeting' (as she put it).

So, off we finally went to DH's work Christmas party and then stayed in a hotel literally just down the street from our house. The kiddies made cookies, watched movies and ate popcorn with their (likely new favourite) Auntie and their (already well loved) cousin.